Spending money is an American hobby. With the national savings rate hovering about 5 %, it is clear that we collectively love spending. Frankly, you are able to enjoy our wealth is beautiful. It is something more than personal finance lovers like me – and financial samurai readers – they may do more.
But as with most things, moderation is the key. Excessive spending can wear us in mice race forever. It can increase our concern about job security or unexpected health issues as we live in the salary. If you have children, excessive spending may put them in a long -term position in the long run, creating a cycle of financial tension.
In this post, I would like to share a personal experience that helped me understand how difficult the emotional work is to stop spending, even when we know that we should.
This feeling of judgment
After dropping our children in the Parkour chapter, my wife and I took a picnic to Haight-Ashbury to get some ice cream in Ben & Jerry’s. It is a nostalgic spot I first visited in 1993 on a free cone with several blocs. Jerry Garcia from the dead was still alive, and he was doing that day.
In our career, we passed unconventional scents and people who wore colored who have just finished the Gulf race to Breakers. When we finally got to the store, I asked the accompanying if they had any unique flavors that are not available in grocery stores. She referred to Sherbet, but we wanted ice cream.
Then came the shock of the poster: $ 8.75 for one script, $ 13 for two. Wafel cone? Other $ 3.75. I shouted my sabotage mentality, “That’s crazy! You can get a full half -free for sale for $ 5!” But I was very embarrassed to retreat in front of my wife. So I wandered: one scoop in the waffle cone, $ 14.
We enjoyed it – Triple Caramel Chunk – but I felt like a fool. Walking home, I turned to my wife and said: “I don’t buy an ice cream Ben & Jerry’s Waffle Cone again.”
Shame no Spending
I did not abide by my economies because I didn’t want to look cheap. Even after years of being together, I still do not want to disappoint my wife.
This was not only about ice cream. I told her several months ago that I was open to renting a house in Hawaii on our next five -week summer trip. When the stock market was launched in early April 2025, I was counting, why didn’t the money not spend instead of losing it all in the stock market? At one point, we decreased about one million dollars, a sum of the intestine for unemployed parents. I agreed. Yulo and Fakaz, right?
But the cheapest lease we found that we loved both were $ 24,000 a month after taxes, facilities and fees. Yixes! This is a lot when we can stay in my father’s house for free. Certainly, it’s not perfect for privacy and puts a lot of pressure on my mother as a host, but she is great for family interconnection. And 24,000 dollars that have been invested in our nursery accounts today may double more than $ 50,000 in 11 years at 7 % return. This can help pay the kidney costs or help them buy a house.
My wife was disappointed, and I did not blame her. Living with two rows is not easy. It knows that hosting is especially difficult for my mother, which needs an area – which is difficult to keep with six people under one roof, especially when two of them are loud and amazing. My wife is also a plan for all our logistical services for our travel, so the frequency began to frustrate it.
But I could not bring myself to withdraw the trigger, even if it was within the guide of spending on my vacation. I felt bad to give up my wife. If you are curious, here is a $ 24,000 rental image per month. Cute, right? But not for $ 24,000 a month.
I tried to spend again after a few great victories
A month later, the stock market was recovered Millionaire landmarks make USA today The best list seller, which is only achieved ~ 0.04 % of authors achieve. We also sold our previous house for handsome profit. Certainly, this triple victory deserves a kind of celebration? So I offered renting a house for a month again. Yullo, darling!
My wife was optimistic with caution. But when I looked more, I still can’t justify spending 24,000 dollars for this house that we looked at earlier because I really wanted to collect if we were going to take out large dollars. Unfortunately, the houses we looked at with swimming pools and opinions were $ 50,000 to $ 85,000 per month. Mocked amount of money. No thank you.
My wife could have cared for a lower swimming. She just wanted clean with two bathrooms, AC, kitchen, and washing clothes that we can get for ourselves. Then we could plan meal and family time with my father at their comfort.
I even asked my father to advise because there are a lot of fraud in vacation’s fraud there too. During the collapse of the stock market, he said: “Stay with us.” After healing, new options were offered, and he still said: “Stay with us.” So I listened, as any good son does.
As a result, we will save $ 24,000 on rent and now we have $ 800 a day to spend on food, activities and more. This is an amazing feeling! All we can eat here comes! But I can tell my wife not with great happiness. Ah, feeling frustrated again despite the victories we achieved.
Ice cream as an emotional compensation
So when he asked Ben & Jerry host, “How many drivers?” She returned again to all this. I felt ashamed I couldn’t continue to rent the holiday. I am the provider, my God. I didn’t want to leave my wife again. So I said yes to the worn cone at least.
But then, I still feel stupid. I knew that I could get the delicious Matcha Soft ice cream in the Wafel cone in the mall for $ 6.90, or half the price.
The spending of $ 14 on ice cream was an emotional first aid for not spending $ 24,000 on holidays. But she did not fully photograph the wound. I still feel I need to do more.
As a person who grew up from the middle class with the Etihadist parents, there is no simplicity to justify this much on the arrangement of temporary living without any royal rights. I spent a lot of my life focused on building wealth, not its spending. Moreover, at least 70 % of the joy of being in Hawaii comes from just being there, enjoying weather and abroad. I do not plan to stay inside for most of the day.
Fear of judgment is the reason for increasing spending
This experience helped me to realize something important: we often spend money not because we want or need – but because we do not want to judge it, especially by their loved ones. Even after 26 years together, I still do not want to disappoint my wife.
Unlike some enthusiasts for personal finance or extinguishing extinguishing, I do not consider I to pray or be considered cheap as the emblem of honor. Instead, disturb her because I completely spent my money according to my values. We do not appreciate the same things, so who is judging it?
This need to appear generous, worry or successful may push us to also spend more than. We lead to insecurity to waste money on things that we cannot. We are not always spent for joy, as we spend on protecting our image.
I do not care about what others think, just what my wife and children think. As men, we often work tirelessly to provide our families, yet there are still moments when we feel that they are not enough.
Related: The feeling that the burden is a terrible and terrible thing
The solution to spending
The next time you feel pressure to spend, stop and reconsider your basic values and financial goals. If you don’t know what it is, let them – quickly. Ask yourself: Are these expenses in line with who I am and what do I want for my future? If the answer is no, do not spend. Love yourself enough to follow your values.
And if you are in a relationship, speak it. The presence of the same page is important for a successful and long -term partnership. The last thing your partner wants to be successful or remorse after spending. At the same time, you don’t want to let your partner let down and feel restrictions, especially if you have the money. Building resentment will only.
In our case, the median solution that I have reached is to spend the weekends at the beach house in my aunt on the other side of the island to give everyone a breathing space, assuming it is fine with that. The only problem is that my aunt did not say yes, so far! She is traveling.
Another solution is to spend a night or two at a beach beach resort in Waikiki or Khala. I am open to the seizure of Saturday night so that we can achieve the maximum benefit from the facilities on Saturday and Sunday. Perhaps we should do Friday night as well, but the children get out of the summer school at 3:30 pm on Friday. Is it really worth it? I may be very economical again, but I am at least older. This is progress!
Readers, do you think we are mainly because we are not safe with ourselves? Why do you think it is very difficult to stop spending even though we know that we should save and invest more? Is it absurd to allow others to judge us on how to spend our own money?
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